choosing joy

i'm a doubter. a pessimist. a realist. a "should've been" thinker. i question everything. i'm indecisive. a worrier. full of anxiety.
full of fear that leaves me idol and not moving forward. wallowing in my own self-pity. a perfectionist in a strange sort of way.

but deep down, there's a dreamer, a hopeless romantic. a cheesy lover of life. an idealist. a making the most of the opportunity, carpe diem kinda' person.

and i teeter toter between the two. the two seem to wrestle and fight for my thoughts.

but recently, more and more, i've wanted to be the "izzy" instead of the "christina" (in grey's anatomy terms, that is) i would rather see things as they should be, rather than how they are.

i would rather be easy pleased, easily entertained, easily satisfied. not picky,stoppnit-picking...and just enjoy. it seems like life is so much better that way. the perfectionist in me is sliding and the lover of life is taking over.

national corduroy day!

that's right! 11/11...the date that most resembles corduroy!! so wear it proud!

the corduroyclub
blog on corduroy appreciation

lovely rain

it's been raining harder the usual lately and i love the sound of the rain hitting my office window with mellow music in the background...the perfect work environment. and i have snuck outside for a walk when i saw the sun peeping behind the clouds now and then. i've been getting up earlier lately with the time change and i love it. i just love mornings. i'm starting to have a rhythm of life...a little more schedule of things. and i'm actually not working past 5, which is so wonderful. working during normal hours?!? who would have thought that was possible with freelance. (and of course i'm sneaking any traveling i can.)

back into blogging

where have i been? i realized how long it has been since i blogged!! i need to make up for lost time...

what have i been up to lately? well, last weekend i went to the wonderful city of minneapolis. i stayed with my bud lauren and we had a grand time. it was so good to see friends at the porch and go to the gathering on sunday night. i miss church on sunday night, i have to admit. our church here meets on sunday morning and i'm still trying to get use to it, (after 4 years of sleeping in, it still makes it hard to do the church thing in the morning.) and over the last month or so, i feel like we are meeting more people at evergreen. i just love the community, it is full of great people. i've especially enjoyed getting to know more of the girls (i mean women). with the great party that linda threw and the weekly shin-dig on thursday nights...i'm starting to feel a little more settled in more and more.

fall is beautiful and it seems to last longer here. there are still reds, oranges and golds everywhere. i love the leaves all over the ground and the colors all over the hilly land! it is great going over the bridges towards downtown and seeing the colors all of the over the hills!

we enjoyed the last bit of sunshine before the rain hit...with bike rides and days downtown and by the river after church. and now the rain is here! i love the feeling of rainy days, they make me happy. it makes me feel all cozy in our little house. i actually cooked a delicious soup yesterday. (i have a hard time using recipes, they are just too much preparation for me.) but i finally did it, yippppeee! maybe this will be the beginning of something very good for kobie.

oh, and over the last month i turned 28. i was a little sad to let 27 go...i don't mind getting older, but i have a thing for the number 27 and i was hoping that 27 would be the year that great things would happen. and looking back 27 was a very exciting year...a great experience in minneapolis where i learned to enjoy the present moment,even though the future was unknown...travis getting a new job the day after he was furloughed...moving across the country to the land of green bliss...living in 3 states (minnesota, a short stay in WA and now oregon)...buying a house and settling in to a place we hope to call home for a long time. so i can hardly call being 27 a disapointment. I woke up on my 28 birthday with an excitement for the year ahead. i started reading one of my favorite books (see previous posts) about enjoying where you are at. and i look with excitement on this year.

on being present

"to live in the present, we must believe deeply that what is most important is the here and the now..." [nouwen]

joy

i picked up one of my favorite books, Here and Now by Henri Nouwen...

"joy does not simply happen to us. we have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day...it is important to become aware that at every moment of our life we have an opportunity to choose joy...

"there is an intimate relationship between joy and hope. while optimism makes us live as if someday soon things will go better for us, hope frees us from the need to predict the future and allows us to live in the present, with the deep trust that God will never leave us alone but will fulfill the deepest desires of our heart

joy is this perspective is the fruit of hope. When i trust deeply that today God is truly with me and holds me safe in a divine embrace, guiding every one of my steps, I can let go of my anxious need to know how tomorrow will look or what will happen next month or next year. I can be fully where I am and pay attention to the many signs of God's love within and around me."

a view of portland...

enjoying another great weekend in portland, soaking up the sun while we can! we hiked through washington and forest park. (this is the view from the pittock mansion.)

enjoying

yesterday i went frolicking downtown...to the farmer's market where i picked up a delicious chocolate chip hazelnut scone...yuuummm. (there were so many delicious fruits and vegetables, but i went for the bakery instead) went to stumptown coffee to work yet again. it is the perfect place to get my creative juices flowing. while i was sipping my coffee and working away...along came a couple of guys sitting next to me (with a british accent i must add) and pretty soon, there were about 8 people occupying a 2 person table. from their conversations (i couldn't help but hear, they were just inches away) i gathered that some of them lived in portland and were part of a band and the rest of them were in another band on tour. maybe i was in the presence of greatness...too bad i didn't know who they were!

and speaking of music, i've been delighted by sufjan stevens, sigur ros, the new ray lamontane album, the elizabethtown soundtrack, and gomez. (okay, okay, and i can't seem to get enough of "how to save a life" by the fray)

i've decided anything folk and acoustic is my friend. who would have guessed.

oh, and i finally went to the central library. i've been getting my books from some of the other branches, but the now the central library is right on the max line...what a beautiful historic building...It has a grand entrance with huge stairs. All the books are in rooms off to the side... I just picked up my books on hold and went onto the rest of my day...I'll have to do more exploring there later.

camping and hiking on the coast

travis and i went camping with some friends on the coast this past weekend. i just can't get enough of the coast.
we camped and hiked at cape lookout, then hiked mt neahkanhie with a beautiful view of the coast, ate at the famous mo's at canon beach...what a weekend...

oh bliss...

"deep calls to deep in the roar of your water falls. all your waves and breakers have swept over me."


life has been beautiful lately. there's a smile on my face and joy in my heart. it's times like this that i can say proudly...i'm so happy to have the world as my office!

I just got back from camping at silver falls national park with our new church community. it was so good to hang out and get to know new people...nothing better than sitting around the campfire sharing stories. and after the camping trip, i was able to plant myself in nature at silver falls with my journal and process through what God has been whispering to me lately.

oh, and then my trip to oklahoma last week...labor day is delcared the eight, where my college friends get together somewhere (maybe sometime i can get them all up here to oregon). this year we met in our college town in oklahoma (go cowboys!). so much fun! there was plenty to gab about and so much life experiences to share. it was so good to be around the familiar beautiful friends that i've experience so much with...my heart needed it. i cherish their friendship.

and while i was in oklahoma, i had a lunch with my grandma, visited my grandpa, had coffee on the back porch with my dad, dinner with my aunt, went shopping with my mom. dinner with trav's granparents and aunt and uncle. multiple coffee conversations with my best friend...and i managed to work at coffee shops in-between. oh what bliss.

Hoppípolla

a beloved song by sigur ros (translated into english)

what beauty...


Jumpin' Puddles

Smiling
Spinning 'round and 'round
Holding hands
The whole world a blur
But you are standing

Soaked
Completely drenched
No rubber boots
Running in us
Want to erupt from a shell

Wind in
Aand outdoor smell of your hair
I hit as fast as I could
With my nose

Hopping into puddles
Completely drenched
Soaked
With no boots on

And I get nosebleed
But I always get up
(Hopelandic)

And I get nosebleed
But I always get up
(Hopelandic)

one less car...sometimes

now that we live in the most bike friendly city, travis and i decided to finally buy ourselves some good bikes. (and helmets of course...it's the cool thing now, ya know.) we are both so excited. last night we rode down the street to get our groceries...a whole new side of portland has opened up to me! my goal is to ride the max and/or bike everywhere i can. this is the best city for that!

our living room

okay, so we're starting to be settled. hopefully someday i'll take pictures of our house...for now, here's the living room!

camping on the oregon coast

this is home and i just love it!

it just keeps getting better

i just keep falling in love with oregon. i just love it. it is feeling more and more like home.

my long time friend, brandi, came to visit and we went on a camping trip to the coast this weekend. I LOVE THE COAST!! it is absolutely gorgeous...forest and ocean...it couldn't be better! we went on a few hikes and enjoyed the beach.

i'm just so excited that this is our home. this isn't some place i'm going to just go once and say, "yeah, the oregon coast is nice, i went there once." no, i'm going to know it like the back of my hand. i'm going to find the trails that i love. i'm going to find places that i just want to go and sit all day and soak up God's creation. this is a place that nourishes my soul.

(having technical difficulties with the images right now...check back later for images of the coast! my poor ibook is having problems. I'm in the process or reinstalling my operating system and making it feel better...oh, joy.)

Getting Things Done

i love it when a book comes along at just the right moment. well "getting things done" was that book over the last few weeks. you may laugh, but it really is an incredible book.

this summer has been incredibly wonderful and incredibly stressful. i've been a little bit overwhelmed to say the least...trying to balance so many things. mainly work and the house, but that was enough on my plate. i have had so many things rolling around in my head and i was mentally and emotional exhausted. i felt like i could never get enough done. i was always behind, especially with work. and i'm not normally a person that feels exhausted, but I was. I was bogged down with so many "open loops" in my head and didn't have the passion and creativity that usually drives me.

well, this book walks you through steps of getting everything that is cluttering up your mind written down. i've always been a planner and had a planner right by my side, but lately, that hasn't been enough, i have still felt like there was just too much to do and too much on my mind. (but instead of me thinking, i need to finish this ad and this brochure and organize the kitchen and blah blah blah, i can actually do those things and be present where i'm at.) I took last weekend, went through the steps of the book and i felt AMAZING. i'm not kidding. i can't tell you how much better i feel. and i was able to move through this stressful work week with a clear head. i won't go through all the details of the book and why it was so good.

I'll just say it is worth picking up. it frees you up to be creative, to dream about things you want to do, to brainstorm about projects...it is superb!

nike

while my parents were here, we toured the nike campus. my dad is a sport salesman, so we were able to get a private little tour of the place. i'm not a big fan of sports. and growing up in oklahoma, it was hard to get away from it! But I was excited about seeing the insides of nike. i have to say i have some respect for athletes...i like the analogies that sports can offer to life...about endurance, pushing yourself, staying strong, etc, etc. it was cool walking through the different museums. each building is dedicated to a particular athlete. there were soccer fields, basketball courts...all of which had themes. creativity definitely went into everything that was built I was impressed. 5,000 employees, several restaurants and bars, its own post office, a track that circles the campus, a natural spring in the center of the campus. It felt like I was on a college campus, not a corporate headquarters.

pictures from the vacation...

here's what we've been up to the last week...we had such a great time with my family!

drive

our drive to the cabin

the cabin

what an amazing vacation for our family...we had such a relaxing time hanging out here...grilling and enjoying wine, reading, sitting by the fire, a cup of coffee on the porch, enjoying the hot tub...it was the perfect place for some quality time with the fam...and they even let me throw out some questions for everyone to answer (ya know the questions like, describe one of your scars, what's something you would like to do...i learned my dad stepped on a rose bush and almost had his foot amputated when he was in high school!)

The cabin was located right on the sandy river, just an hour east of portland...