choosing joy

i'm a doubter. a pessimist. a realist. a "should've been" thinker. i question everything. i'm indecisive. a worrier. full of anxiety.
full of fear that leaves me idol and not moving forward. wallowing in my own self-pity. a perfectionist in a strange sort of way.

but deep down, there's a dreamer, a hopeless romantic. a cheesy lover of life. an idealist. a making the most of the opportunity, carpe diem kinda' person.

and i teeter toter between the two. the two seem to wrestle and fight for my thoughts.

but recently, more and more, i've wanted to be the "izzy" instead of the "christina" (in grey's anatomy terms, that is) i would rather see things as they should be, rather than how they are.

i would rather be easy pleased, easily entertained, easily satisfied. not picky,stoppnit-picking...and just enjoy. it seems like life is so much better that way. the perfectionist in me is sliding and the lover of life is taking over.