living in the waiting

i'm patient right now. i don't feel anxious. and i'm a little surprised at myself...i'm not worried about whether our house will be finished in time for us to close on the 30th. okay, so i'm a little stressed about how many projects i have piling up and how that will work with painting our new place and settling in...but nothing i'm too worked up about. i feel calm. i feel at peace. and if you know me very well, you know i'm a pretty anxious person. i try to live in the moment, but i have a hard time doing that. my mind is always racing...racing ahead, thinking back...always going. and i have a hard time just soaking up the moment i'm in. i'm either analyzing or dreaming...but minneapolis was a 8 month lesson on enjoying the present...because that is what i did. we were stuck in the waiting, of not knowing what would happen with travis' job and i had two choices...i could keep thinking about the next place we would move to or i could enjoy the beautiful city of minneapolis and live in the waiting. i'm glad i chose to live and it has made it easier in this weird time of waiting in portland...waiting to feel settled, to feel at home here, to be in our new place, and find a rhythm of life that resonates with my spirit. these things take time and right now i'm okay with that. i feel like the last 5 months we've been in portland has been an incubator for me...a time to renew my spirit from our adjustments and moves. and i'm at a point now that i'm excited to begin our life here in portland. i realize it has already started, but i feel like it will officially start when we move into our first house.

but as i'm stuck in the waiting, i'm enjoying work. enjoying walks by the river. experiencing new music. enjoying the time travis is home. experiencing new things. reading good books. getting to know the city. and smiling at the clouds. (i just love clouds.)